Yes, shoes is where I choose to begin.
You see, one cannot plan a Wizard of Oz themed birthday party without mini Ruby Reds.
Last year, when I was still pregnant, I began to see Ruby Reds in stores everywhere. In every size. I couldn’t throw a rock without hitting a pair of Ruby Reds. And I said to myself, I said “self! You should buy a pair in every size, just to be prepared.” But did I? Nope. Sure didn’t.
And now, when I want a pair of Ruby Reds? I can’t find them anywhere. So, I set out to make my own. I started with plenty of time to spare, setting a goal of finishing the shoes before her birthday photos which were scheduled for July 22. Since I bothered to inform you of a time frame and the fact that I started early, you can probably guess that this didn’t work out as I expected it to…
Ruby Reds: A Tutorial
Procure a pair of shoes in appropriate size. Bonus points for managing to find black glitter shoes and succeed in keeping choice words to a minimum about how easy it would have been had they just used red glitter. Because then you’d be done, and several dollars richer.
Black Glitter Shoes: Wal Mart, $10
Borrow ridiculously expensive Mod Podge from your sister and buy a giant bottle of red glitter and a canister of Mod Podge finishing spray. Photograph b/c people will totally care.
Mod Podge: Sister, free-ish
Red Glitter: Walmart, $2.99
Mod Podge Finishing Spray: Walmart, $5.49
Put shoes in a cardboard box, open garage door, stuff shoes with grocery bags (recycling and saving the environment win!), Mod Podge each shoe, and glitter the shit out of them. Let dry for 3 days b/c you honestly forgot about them.
Repeat step 3 until you feel the shoes are sufficiently glittered. Continue to forget about them being in your garage. All the while, tracking red glitter all over your house.
Carefully read instructions on Mod Podge finishing spray. Spray shoes. Realize it’s turning the glitter a weird silvery color, chalk it up to undried color of finishing spray. Forget about shoes again. Walk into garage to bask in the beauty of your creation only to discover the shoes now look like they’re stuck between Kansas and Oz b/c they now appear to have a weird grey-ish, antique-ish quality to them. Choose your choice words carefully, text sister picture of ruined shoes.
Put new coat of glitter on each shoe. Estimate glitter quantity on each shoe is approximately 3 pounds. Rush around like a mad woman b/c you were doing all of this in such advance b/c your daughter’s birthday photos that were WAY FAR AWAY IN THE FUTURE, are now only a couple days away.
Cover now lead-like shoes in stupid expensive varnish that you (again) borrowed from your sister. Note that it appears kind of pink-ish/orange-ish. Don’t give a shit.
Throw all birthday items in a bag and rush to get pictures taken. Realize no one is ever going to notice the weeks of torture that went into making these damn shoes b/c seriously? Your kid is too cute for them to notice anything else.
Drink. And forever track some more red glitter all over your house b/c your beer is in the garage fridge.
Big shout out thank you to my sister, without whom, I would have spent at least $20 more on this ridiculous adventure.